#1 Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries…
Image source: Dumblond11
#2 Had this rude girl at work a few years back, who thought she was so hot and perfect and.. well you know the type. Anyway, one day I got sick of her attitude and said, “ Kendra, what’s it like being like the third hottest girl here?” Drove her mad.
Image source: kkerins86, Vlada Karpovich
#3 I had a really self-obsessed grade 12 student start bragging about how good looking he was, trying to get some girls’ attention. He said “people always tell me I look like a model.” I was at my desk marking, while the students were supposed to be working and, without even looking up I piped in with “Yah, a hand model.” His friends roared with laughter and I got many high fives. Even from the “model” kid.
Image source: vocabulazy
#4 “Ah, so this is what everyone meant.”.
Image source: mrlotato, Andrea Piacquadio
#5 To someone who’s yelling at you “Oh wow, big feelings!!”.
Image source: yagsogiel
#6 You’re difficult to underestimate.
Image source: maplenut, MART PRODUCTION
#7 Wisdom has been chasing you but you have always been faster.
Image source: Crabbylegs92
#8 “You two look gorgeous” in the comments section of a social media post of a picture with 3 women in it.
Image source: Witherboss445, cottonbro studio
#9 “Have the day you deserve!”.
Image source: quadruple_negative87
#10 Man, you’re making that look real difficult.
Image source: TypeGreen51, William Fortunato
#11 (After a tirade or rude remark) “Are you okay”, spoken with the deepest sincerity.
Image source: LurkingandPosting, SHVETS production
#12 The best line I heard was in a gym car park. A martial arts instructor was reversing his car and was nearly upended by a mid-40s feral in lycra on her P plates. She was looking for an argument and chose a soft target – country of origin based on appearance and skin colour. She fired off all insults based around the subject of “go back to where you came from”.
The guy, who I perceived to be much older, said, “In my country, abortion is illegal. But with you, we can make an exception.”. Image source: kytd1526
#13 > “You’re not making the point you think you are.”.
Image source: garrettj100, William Fortunato
#14 Five years ago, I met up with a friend. I asked her how my eyebrows were ( I had just waxed them and done them nicely). Her response: “I like the left one.” Still remember that.
Image source: KMermaid19, cottonbro studio
#15 I think you are talking about things that you don’t have the capacity to understand.
It went right over his head.
Image source: papyrus-vestibule
#16 Working with you is like working by myself, but harder.
Image source: deedee_mega_doo_doo
#17 Your grades say marry rich, but your face says study harder.
Image source: MightyToast79
#18 You seem like the kind of guy who would be embarrassed to buy tampons for his girlfriend.
Image source: AlbiTheDargon
#19 I’m close to my sister and her friends. I’ve unironically heard, “I like how you’ll just wear anything” after they spent the past hour getting ready.
Image source: GrammastolaRosea, Zen Chung
#20 “Everyone was right about you.”.
Image source: RiflemanLax, Liza Summer
#21 When I was living I the UK I learned my favourite, most polite roast, of all times:
“You are so brave to say that”. I love British sarcasm. Image source: Volgrand
#22 I don’t.respect you enough for you to hurt my feelings.
Image source: Fealieu
#23 I work at a grocery store that has a “senior day” once a month (they receive 10% off their entire order, includng alcohol and tobacco). I had a very rude young lady in my lane (probably late 30s). I added the senior discount, she saw it, and I said “I’m not quite sure if you qualify for the senior discount, but I gave it to you just in case. That’s 10% off your purchase
Have a nice day!” The look on her face was priceless. ?.
Image source: lynnm59
#24 Man, I wish I had your confidence. Also, one I always remember from xkcd: “the only thing standing in the way of your dreams is that the person having them is you.”.
Image source: zenspeed, Keira Burton
#25 Couldn’t say it better than Ron Swanson – “When people get a little too chummy with me I like to call them by the wrong name to let them know I don’t really care about them.”.
Image source: wh4tdoyoukn0w, SHVETS production
